I’m not going to lie, these past two weeks have been very disappointing to me. Disappointing and ultimately discouraging. Pouring my heart and soul into my blog posts only to see that all the people I’ve called “friends” for so many years, the people who’s posts I’ve supported without reading because I knew it would encourage them, no longer even bother to click the “like” button. Stressing myself out each week trying to make a deadline that no one cares even about. I mean, am I a thirty five year old suburban mother whose posts are more of a bother than insight? It would be nice if someone told me about my inconvenience to the virtual world before I started this huge commitment.
Since I was a child I’ve been told to follow my dreams, to do whatever works to make that dream happen. One would think that my friends, the one’s I’ve done so much for over the years, would be willing to support that dream by taking less than five minutes out of their life to read a post I spend at least an hour on every week. It feels as if no one cares, as if everything I do, everything I’ve done is so pointless.
It’s not only blog posts though. I did an experiment this past week. I posted a video straight to my Facebook wall, a video that I think everyone needed to see. Only three minutes, not very long, but possibly life-changing. One person, one person, decided to watch the video despite my encouragement. As you can see, I’m starting to think that my words, the only think I have to make an impact are more of an annoyance in the real world.
So now that you’ve got an understanding of how I’ve felt the past two weeks, that my tireless efforts are pointless, I want you all to know something. I do not care.
I do not care about your lack of encouragement.
I do not care that, despite all I’ve done to help people, no one will do the same for me.
I do not care that my stressing out, that all of my efforts are seemingly in vain.
Perhaps what I write isn’t for you, I know I’ve seen my fair share of blogs that aren’t for me. But does that mean that I blatantly ignore their efforts at doing what they love, absolutely not.
This is not in response to those who actually took time out of their day to read, and visit my website. To you all: I appreciate you more than you will ever know. You have a special place in my heart.
Now, with everything being said, I want you all to know that I will not be discouraged by the lack of interest in my posts.
This week I had the privilege of going over the topic of passions with a friend of mine. We discussed the meaning of passion and why it is important to have passion no matter the trials and discouragement that will face us. Although the study was meant to be a teachable moment for him, I couldn’t help but feel as if the book as talking to me too.
You see, whoever is out there reading this (thank you, by the way, for supporting me), my passion is my passion. It makes me who I am not because I have the approval of others, not because I am supported and uplifted every week, not even because those who I’m closest to, those that have actually read some of my writings tell me that I’m good. It is my passion despite these things because when I write, it calms me down. It builds me up. I make stories in my mind and articulate them onto paper and ink. This thing, this beautiful thing that I have fallen so deeply in love with is a part of me that can never be taken away by a few disinterested friends.
I will admit it is difficult to see that sometimes pictures of people’s feet get more views than my carefully worded posts, but I am reminded that approval is not why I write, it isn’t the reason for the tiresome synthesis of experience and knowledge, approval is something that comes with it, almost like sprinkles on an ice cream cone. I don’t order the cone for the sprinkles, I order it for the ice cream and the sprinkles are just something added on.
So why am I writing about this this week? Why am I bringing this up? To make all those who scroll past my posts feel guilty? Perhaps I want to tell them off in a subtle yet obvious way? No.
I am bringing this up because, if you’ve continued reading all the way until the very end, I have a feeling you’ve been in the same position. You’ve tried to do something that would make you happy. You’ve tried to post it on social media and were greeted with something along the lines of three or four people appreciating your hard work while someone’s selfie gets five hundred likes and counting. You’ve felt jealousy and anger and every other emotion there is to feel, but most of all, you feel like quitting.
This is for you who’ve tried and tried again only to be met with dislike or even opposition, for you who’ve been at the bottom, for you who’ve done what you wanted, to those who follow their dreams, only to see them slip from your hands because of other’s disapproval. My response to you is to keep doing what you love. You aren’t doing it for yourself anymore, the moment you start that blog, the moment you put pen to paper, open your mouth to sing, start memorizing lines, the moment you take that first step, it is your dream, it is your passion and nothing, no one can take that away from you. No one should be able to take that away from you.