“That’s what I’m afraid of … not being enough. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough.” I originally intended to write about this quote last week, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I was compelled to write of my journeys with a McChicken (for those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, you can find that post here). This quote, taken from an older T.V. show, but still relevant nonetheless, reflects what I feel most people go through in their daily lives.
There’s a theory in the world of psychology that essentially states that we, as humans, are motivated by our fears, that everything we do, every action we make is a subconscious act of preventing that which we fear most. Now this theory isn’t stating that we will try our hardest to stay away from spiders for instance, even though we may try, it’s not the motivational fear that this theory speaks of, rather these fears are more metaphysical, more innate, such as the fear of being rejected, the fear of ending up alone, or simply the fear of not being enough.
So I am going to be honest with you all, as I should, and tell you a few of my fears. I am afraid of being alone (i.e. getting to the end of my life with no one around), the thought makes me sad, scared. I am afraid of trying my hardest and failing, giving it everything I have and it still not being adequate. I am afraid of simply not being enough, not smart enough, not good enough. My fears are what motivate me to do better in school, my professional life, and my personal life. I notice the influence that these fears have on me and yet, I still feel labeled as if I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough. A few weeks ago I wrote about a situation with a co-wforker code-named Ron, who belittled me and personally attacked my character and intelligence. Now, a week or two later, I understand why that affected me so deeply. It effected me because what he was attacking wasn’t some superficial surface-level attribute, but rather he was taking some of my deepest fears and exploiting them, telling me the very thing that I have tried, consciously and subconsciously, to prevent. It made it seem as if all my attempts to prove to myself that I am enough had failed in those instances because, to him, I wasn’t enough, good enough, smart enough.
There is a beautiful Ted Talk that perfectly encompasses what I have to say. The speaker, Brené Brown, touches on the need to feel connected and how we feel shameful if we think that we are not enough and can never be enough. Here is the link so you all can see it as well: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en. I have also added the video at the end of this post in the case that something may be wrong with the link.
But this quote, the one I opened up with has a second part to it, the part that I talked about last week. “People are gonna label you. It’s how you overcome those labels, that’s what matters.” And It’s true. People are going to label you, fears or not, but it’s how you overcome the labels, how you overcome the fears that matter the most. No one should be able to tell you who you are other than yourself.
So I challenge you. I challenge you, and myself, everyday to figure out what you’re afraid of and overcoming the labels and the lies. Everyday is an opportunity to overcome some sort of fear, we just need to have the courage.
Thank you all, I hope you have a fantastic weekend and remember to Always Respond!
P.S. I will not be posting next week because I’ll be on #vacation!
P.P.S. Here is the Ted Talk I mentioned earlier!