First Degree Murder

Hello Everyone! Thank you all so much for your patience and your eagerness for this change.

I admit I was a little nervous to change how I’ve been doing things, but the electricity and energy surrounding this short has been overwhelmingly positive and I am so happy to say that “Blake Responds” has been officially changed to “The Pursuit of Bookishness” (although we’ve kept the same URL for technical reasons).

Regardless, I promised a short story and you will get a short story.

This story, because it is the first post, is a story I’ve been wanting to share for a long time and is slightly controversial so, as I pointed out in my updated “About Page” I am going to give a

**Trigger Warning**

to those who are sensitive to violence and killing.

First-Degree Murder

Right now I’m sitting in the community room of the state penitentiary. I’m scheduled to be transferred tomorrow to a higher security prison, but I have a feeling I won’t make it. What did I do?

I killed my wife.

Now before you start passing judgment, let me tell you my story.

We met in college, as many couples do, and instantly felt the chemistry between us. She was a little hot tempered but I liked that about her because I was always so timid. There was never any animosity between us and, quite frankly, it felt like heaven on earth when I was with her.

We dated for six years and, finally, she asked me when I was going to propose. I didn’t know what to say. We weren’t living together at the time and getting married seemed like the smart thing to do both for our relationship and financially.

Once we were engaged, the wedding planning and engagement was fierce. She was one of those brides that could only be described as a bridezilla. She screamed at the wedding planner, threw the things she didn’t like. But I was always the anchor that could calm her down after a long day. Even on her worst days, she would be able to slowly come back to reality with my help. Then the process would start all over again.

The day of the actual wedding was marvelous, beautiful, everything and more than I would have expected. It seemed so perfect, but she couldn’t see that. Something in her changed during the wedding planning. As if she was testing the waters and seeing what she could get away with. She complained about every little thing and started blaming the planner and venue for the night not being perfect, despite my better wishes.

The first years of our marriage were tough, but those years always are. There was a lot of fighting between us and sometimes it got physical. It was never too much, just a hit here or a slap there. On bad nights it would result in a punch, but nothing a little makeup wouldn’t cover the next day.

It really wasn’t her fault, I deserved the beating for getting on her nerves.

So I covered up the bruises and came home to dear sweetheart every night, each beating getting more and more painful than the night before. I never told anyone because, who would believe that a strong guy like me would be getting abused by his much smaller wife? Also, it would be embarrassing if everyone knew what was going on, rumors of be being weak, or me not being able to control my spouse, of me making a bad decision on who to marry. But she wasn’t always like this, maybe she could go back to the woman I once loved.

Divorce was out of the question because I never brought it up. How could I? I was afraid to go to bed at night in fear that I may not wake up the next morning. Bringing up a milestone like that could lead to more hurt, more pain.

The night I killed her was in self-defense. She was on top of me with a knife in her hand, threatening to cut my neck open. I don’t even remember what I did wrong this time. I reached out and hit her over the head with a vase that had been knocked over through the small argument we had earlier in the night.

As soon as I wrapped my fingers around it, I rammed it into her head, knocking her to the side and on the floor. She didn’t move and it wasn’t until I noticed the blood seep from her lifeless head that I saw that the vase had broken when it fell to the floor and that the part that I had hit her with was nothing more than shards.

I had no idea what to do. The first and only thing I could think of was to call the police, and that’s exactly what I did. I can’t quite remember what I said, but they told me to stay put and, when they got there, I was placed into handcuffs and brought to the police station. Little did I know that night was the last I would spend outside of prison.

The death sentence. They said I had committed first-degree murder, premeditated and unlawful killing. I tried explaining to them that it was self-defense, but no one on the jury believed me. They claimed that there was no way I would be abused. That the bruises on me were from her fighting back for her own life. They claimed that I wanted to kill my beautiful wife and punished me for trying to save my own life.

So here I am, waiting to be transferred in the prison common room, only to look up and see a woman on the news. She is a truly beautiful woman who I can tell has been through a lot. I look at her, about to address the cameras facing her, and my heart drops as I read the headline.

“Woman Kills Abusive Husband in Self-Defense, Hailed A Hero.”


Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.

Here is a little bit of information that I discovered online:

  • According to the FBI, a woman is battered every 15 seconds.
  • 2-4 million American women are abused each year.
  • White, Black, Hispanic & Non-Hispanic women have equivalent rates of violence committed by intimate partners.
  • Nearly 1/2 of men who abuse their female partners, also abuse their children.
  • Studies show that women face the greatest risk of assault when they leave or threaten to leave their partners, or report the abuse to authorities.

(Here is where you can find the article)

While domestic violence toward women is a definite issue that needs to be addressed and stopped, domestic abuse toward men is also an important issue, however it is uncommon.

Here are some equally surprising facts about male domestic violence:

  • A man in America abused by an intimate or domestic partner every 37.8 seconds
  • According to the CDC, one in four adult men in the U.S. will become a victim of domestic violence during his lifetime

(The article is linked into the “CDC” hyperlink)

While there is still much research to be done and reported on, male domestic abuse it is an issue that needs to be addressed.

Please understand that verbal abuse is still abuse and that no matter what is happening, love should not make you feel afraid, it should not make you feel like you are less than a person, it should not make you feel ugly or alone.

A personal story that I have is from one of my professors in college who was brave enough to share with us the ways that he was emotionally and physically abused by his ex-wife. She would hurt him and he wouldn’t fight because he didn’t want to hurt her. He was a victim constantly of abuse and no one was there to help him.

I am not here to downgrade the importance of female domestic abuse awareness, as this is truly an issue that needs to be talked about, but rather am highlighting that, along with female domestic abuse, male domestic abuse needs to be talked about as well.

Here is a great website that works to end all domestic violence and sexual abuse:

If you are being abused or harmed by your loved one, whatever your gender, please call this number: 1.800.722.7233 or 1.800.787.3224 for help and support.

Normally I won’t do an extra tag on like this, but this is an issue that needs to be addressed and I cannot, with good conscience, post this story without resources and a defense for my story.

So, now that that’s done. Did you like the story? What could I have done differently? Any typos? Your input is just as important to me as my writing. Thank you all so much! Please like, share, and leave a comment below! I love you all and I couldn’t do it without you!


4 thoughts on “First Degree Murder

  1. A topic that is hardly ever spoken about. Very well put together and makes you think about how abuse in any manner is not good. The only typo I saw was the last paragraph that say “tell ahs been” should be “tell has been”. Great job!


  2. It is important to address these issues in society, abuse is a silent sin that needs it’s silence broken. Your story was very well written. The change of perspective is eye opening. Thank you.


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